Tight Man-Pants

Why are this man's pants so ill-fitting?

No, seriously. I think we need to dedicate some time to this. See, you probably can't tell by the photo, but these are narrow-weave corduroy pants, circa 1977 - and I'm pretty sure they're cut for a woman. Note the elongated rear and full thighs, complemented by a slight taper at the ankles, beyond which the pants do not reach. The only explanation for this level of catastrophe is gender misappropriation.

I've witnessed a lot of terrible men's fashion in New York. Perhaps you recall my Almost Famous post, which featured a seemingly straight man carrying a purse - moment of silence for that one. But today was special. See, today, Brad and I spent a bit of the afternoon doing some men's shopping. And it seems that the root of this New York male fashion problem is actually the New York stores.

We started out at Bergdorf Goodman, which boasts an entire building of men's clothing. Stuffy and overly formal upon entrance, I quickly ushered Brad to the second floor. Voila! Zegna. Who doesn't love those beautiful cashmere sweaters, perfectly cut trousers and...mink fur-lined car coat? Does that say $7,500? Well, at least the fur is on the inside for warmth, not the outside for "fashion." Oh, how I'd soon be eating those words...

Witness Exhibit B. Up on the third floor, just meters away from the man trying on a gold rope bracelet to match his necklace, it hangs unassumingly amongst a sea of regular jackets. It features a face-engulfing fur collar and enormous fur cuffs that look and feel more like permed hair than any sort of animal. The body of the jacket is a ravaged and distressed brown suede. At $8,000, it's a steal. Brad offered to try it on to show you all, but when I discovered it was locked onto the rack and would require assistance, we decided the shame of anyone thinking we seriously liked this frock was far from worth it.

This scenario played out over and over as we moved through the store, until finally, we found an escape route. "To Barneys," I said. Brad agreed, remembering the luck he had the last time we shopped there.

But sadly, Barneys was plagued with the same problems! Sure, there were no pimp bracelets and permed jackets, but there were $800 sweaters - and not much else.

Sigh...is it possible the most wearable fashion for men in this city may actually lie behind the underwear-clad male Abercrombie model who stood at the store's entrance beckoning passerbys this afternoon? I mean, sure, the tshirts are all stamped with some ridiculously played out phrase or dirty mantra, but I bet you won't find any absurdly weird fashions inside.

The man with the purse...the fella here with the tight pants (which upon second look, perhaps came from Abercrombie when they were doing that whole "throw-back" look)...these are merely victims of a city that doesn't know how to dress its men.