Will the Real Nobel Peace Prize Winner Please Stand Up?

I've decided that I may be able to break out of here without anyone noticing. I have officially become the least interesting patient on the floor, with the nurses coming by only occasionally, and the doctor strolling in at the end of the day, sucking on a lollipop. One of the nurses actually entertained my idea of coming off the monitors 24/7, validating that thought by letting me know that most patients who reach my level of stability are actually only monitored a couple of times per day. Now that's what I'm talking about. I'm going to keep pushing on this one.

My November 14th delivery date is pretty much set in stone now, barring any surprises. The lollipop sucking doctor who came by today confirmed he would not be the one on call that day (this was a relief for me, mind you). I feigned sadness. Then he said that he would be willing to come in for a quick C-section. Hello, since when did these become elective? I joked that it did seem these only took about 10 minutes (I spent my first few days here across the hall from the operating room where they performed the procedure). He and his giant ego corrected me, saying that they took 10 minutes for him, and 40 minutes for everyone else - because there's the "USC way" and then there's "the wrong way." Tool. Little does he know I do not desire to have the skilled hands of a Trojan involved in my delivery, unless he's going to be catching a football - and even that's suspect after Saturday.

Meanwhile, it has occurred to me that the sports gods are punking me. Tell me, how is it that I managed to end up on bed rest during the World Series vs., say, the month of March? Bed rest sucks, and don't let anyone tell you any different - it's just not true. BUT it would be a lot less sucky during March Madness. No being "home sick" or sneaking off to a sports bar in the middle of the work day to watch a game...not that I ever did these things, of course. I've respectably just escaped to Vegas every March for roughly the past 10 years.

The weather gods are also punking me. You see, Hurricane season officially lasts through November 30th. It's been a very quiet season so far, all but considered over. But guess what we seem to be tracking now? Tropical Storm Ida. So, just for shits and giggles, let me walk you through my awesome vacation so far:

1) Flight departs SFO 10/11, 2-1/2 hours late.
2) Flight arrives in MIA at 11:00 at night.
3) Brad and I pick up our rental car - it's an ugly white hatchback thing, probably American - and this was my upgraded selection.
4) We sit in horrendous traffic on the MacArthur Causeway at midnight - and I promptly learn that Miami drivers make LA drivers look like driver's ed instructors.
5) Starving after having eaten no dinner, we learn that the chic, boutique-style resort hotel we're paying a lot of money for does not offer room service - but no big deal, we'll just eat a big brunch the next day. Oh, wait...
6) You know the rest of this story.

So suffice it to say, if this tropical storm hits Miami...President Obama should give me his Nobel Peace Prize simply for not yet kicking anyone's ass.