Workin' 9 to 5...What a Way to Make a Livin'

Well, that was brutal.

First week back on the job - I (thank God) started on a Wednes-day as not to have a heart attack working 5 days straight for the first time in 9 weeks. By Thursday, I was exhausted and could think of nothing more than the weekend. How am I possibly going to survive this? I must immediately begin devising a plan that involves not working and amassing income.

Anyway, enough about work - that's depressing - especially since now, I find myself staring at young women dressed in Lululemon looking happy during commute hours, and wondering why I'm not with them. Instead, let's talk about a phone call I received earlier this week:

RRRRING!
(Pause)
I think to myself, "Should I answer that? It's 7 pm on a weekday - probably a telemarketer."
RRRRING!
(Pause)
I rationalize, "Oh what the hell, I'm not busy. Let's see what they want to sell me."
(Answering the phone)
Me - "Hello?"
Caller - "Hi, I'm calling from Gallup Poll Research..."

I tune out everything else he's said. This is AWESOME. I am finally being polled by Gallup. After years of reading these polls and wondering who the $%^#$@ the people are they're talking to, I finally get to share my two cents. It's about time! Yes, sir, I DO have an opinion about this year's election, and I AM happy to share it with you! In fact, might I introduce you to my blog, sfinthecity.blogspot.com...

Me - "Oh, hello!"
Caller - "Yes, I'm conducting some research on attitudes towards drinking..."

WHAT? This is not about the election? I don't want to talk about drinking. I want to talk about Obama and McCain and his ho-bag of a wife, Cindy (she only became a ho-bag when she disparaged Obama for allegedly voting against military funding that impacted, amongst other soldiers, her son)! I don't want to talk about beer. Call someone else to talk about that. Come on, ask me about the election!

Me - "Uhuh."
Caller - "I just need to ask you some questions to verify that you qualify for the study."
Me - "Okay."
Caller - "How many adults over the age of 24 live in your residence?"
Me - "Two."
Caller - "And am I speaking with one of them?"
Me - "Yes."

Okay, this is not too bad. I still get to answer questions about myself, and I can see that this is going to lead to me sharing my opinion on something. That'll do. This is good.

Caller - "Okay, now I need to speak with the person in the household with the more recent birthday."
Me - "Ummm..."

What the hell kind of question is that? Does he mean he wants the person who more recently celebrated a birthday, or the person who is the youngest and therefore was more recently born? Damnit, either way, that's not me.

Me - "That's the other person who lives here."
Caller - "And I'm guessing that person is not available..."
Me - "No, he's not here right now."

Okay, surely, he will keep asking me questions and I can shape the outcome of his research.

Caller - "Yeah, that happens to me a lot. Maybe I'll try back again later. Thank you for your time."

Click.

Is it really possible that I just got rejected and cut off by someone whose job it is to phone people at home and interrupt their evenings...and I'm upset about it? That's kind of...pathetic.

I'm still waiting for my return phone call.