A Truly Black Friday

In Long Island, a temporary Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death in a Black Friday stampede as he opened the doors at 5 a.m. That same day, two men shot each other dead at a Palm Desert Toys R Us.

Isn't it ironic that during this time economic experts are referring to as the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression...and during this time when terrorists have descended upon Mumbai, India in a crusade to kill mostly American and British tourists...and during this time when Bangkok area airports are shut down and in danger of losing billions of dollars due to unruly anti-government protesters....that people are killing each other in a quest for material bullshit? Are people really so blind to the world around them that they can't even see the dying person they're stepping on and over to get to the plasma TV aisle?

Our society is sick. People don't even know exactly what they're lining up outside of these stores for. They just know there is stuff inside that may cost less than it did yesterday - and they've decided they need it right now. Never mind the fact that not once in the history of supply-and-demand have retailers ceased to sell things to people who are willing to buy them. "Get it while it lasts!" Well, idiots, "while it lasts" is "as long as you're willing to pay for it."

Meanwhile, these same people sit down at elaborate Thanksgiving Day dinners with their families, going through the motions of the holiday with their yada-yada-thanks. They bow their heads and they pray...right before they line up outside of Best Buy.

Brad and I spent Thanksgiving with my mom, sister and niece. I went out the next day with my mom, as is tradition for me...at 3:00 in the afternoon. And I got some great deals no one was harmed for. On Saturday, when Brad and I went TV shopping, there were plenty for sale. Sure, some of the best deals were sold out - but guess what? There are more on the way. Because in America, there's ALWAYS more to be had.

It will be interesting to see if these sales carry on next year in their current form. Retailers with a conscience may choose to discontinue the practice. But more likely, they will make feeble attempts to safeguard themselves against this sort of bad press, still feeding the frenzy of old-fashioned holiday greed.

Merry Christmas.

Economic Woes

As the Dow falls, the unemploy-ment rate rises, and the housing bubble bursts, even the most optimistic are now throwing in the towel and declaring the recession we already knew we were in. Let's face it - compared to this, 2001 was a party. So as the economy fizzles...how are the wealthy coping?

Times are tough for them, too.

On Friday, I received a special email from Heidi Says, a women's designer boutique in Pacific Heights that caters to the fashion-whipped and Amex-equipped. In short, this email thanked me for my patronage, letting me know how rewarding it is for them to "play a part in [my] quest to be well-dressed." My God, I feel like together, we've been curing cancer. But see, Heidi recognizes that current times are trying. Hubby may not be getting that big bonus this year. How can one possibly continue to keep up old habits?

Heidi understands. And that's why Heidi is now not only willing to match prices on their items I find elsewhere (a, by the way, totally basic retail courtesy) - they may even grant me a discount to buy it from them instead! AND (drumroll please), if I make a purchase of $400 or more between now and December 24th, they will grant me a $100 savings. $100! That's 25% off or less! Wow. So what they're telling me is that during these hard times, they are joining the legions of retailers who have, for years, held holiday sales in the name of Black Friday. I'm speechless.

It doesn't stop there. Signs of the wealthy's suffering are hitting even closer to home. When out for a walk with Brad and Moby the other night, I noticed that one of the neighborhood houses already had Christmas lights up - gross! When I called this to Brad's attention, he informed me of a deal the Christmas light installers are extending to the community.

Time out: Yes - there are companies that hang your Christmas lights for you, except that they call it an "installation" so that they can charge you a lot of money for an otherwise simple job for Dad.

Apparently, if you have your installation done during the month of November, they will grant you a significant discount. Now, this is quite a pickle for the wealthy. On the one hand, their portfolios are dwindling and they could really use the help. On the other hand, lights up before December? Now everyone is pointing at you as the tacky people who don't respect Thanksgiving.

It's unclear how the wealthy are going to weather the storm. But the generous boutique sales and premature decorating are early signs of the apocalpyse. I'm bracing for the worst.

Fresh Squeezed O.J.

READER ADVISORY: My apologies for the below to any of my USC alum friends (yes, I admit it - I have some).

I actually used to want to go to school there.

On Saturday, Brad and I went to the Stanford vs. USC football game with our friends Ryan and Xin-Hua. For those who have been living under a collegiate sports rock, Stanford hasn't had a good football team since...well, I'd say really since the 1992-1993 team we fielded my freshman year. Sure, there was a Rose Bowl bid in 2000, but it was kind of a charity case. In any case, we're still not good. But we're closer to good than we've been in years, thanks to Jim Harbaugh and no thanks to Buddy Teevens and Walt Harris. And perhaps more important, we beat USC last year at the Colisseum, 24-23, snapping their 35-game win streak at home. Anyone who cares even a little bit about college sports knows that USC ranks right up there with the most hated teams everyone wants to see cry, along with Duke and Notre Dame. So we wouldn't dare miss even the most remote opportunity to see history repeat itself - which it totally did not, by the way - despite a nice F-You sequence at the end of the game.

Suffice it to say, Palo Alto's IQ dropped precipitously yesterday when all of the Trojan fans descended onto the Stanford campus. One particular Trojan tool sported a red polo shirt, whose popped collar (of course) revealed the word "FRAT." No, it did not indicate which brotherhood he was with. It would have been much like me wearing a tshirt that said, "WOMAN." Dumbass.

And then there were the middle-aged geniuses sitting in the row behind us who felt the need to call every play of the game, question every coaching move, and make every Captain Obvious statement possible. One gem: "They are only running the ball. They could pass as well." It is true that running and passing are the only two ways I know of for a football team to score, but I appreciate them reminding us all of that fact.

Finally, what the hell is wrong with USC's female fans? What is with the ho-tastic outfits, donned by those of all ages - including the 50-something in the plaid, thigh-high miniskirt? Was she an ex-Song Girl? Gross.

Oh well, at least we'll always have this guy. And they'll always have THAT guy.

Yes We Did

Last night, America shed a legacy of shame that has permeated the country’s conscious-ness for more than 200 years. We now find ourselves on a forward trajectory of pride and hope, and that is because Americans have proven once again that ultimately, we will rise to fight against that which is wrong and enact the change that we know is right.

The election of Barack Obama as the nation’s 44th President – 44 years after passage of the Civil Rights Act – is a powerful symbol of this change. But to be clear, what Americans have really risen up against is years of failed and fraudulent governance that has soiled the fibers of this great country, and rendered it crippled in the world landscape.

Still – what millions of Americans will remember when they think back to that historic moment on November 4, 2008 when Barack Obama was named the next President of the United States – is that it was then that the consciousness of this country was permanently shifted. And it wasn’t shifted just on the west coast and in New England – it was shifted nationwide in a demonstrative vote for change that this country has never seen before. While his 349 (and counting) electoral votes still number fewer than Bill Clinton’s decisive 379 in his 1996 victory, the overwhelming message they cast – that the American people are both for a new regime and against an old regime – is unprecedented.

I told my friend Kerry this morning, when she asked about my feelings on the election, that her young children – just coming of an age when they can recognize who the President is and what that means – have an opportunity we never had. They will see the most powerful leader in this world as a non-white man, influencing their global view in ways we can’t even imagine.

Is racism dead in America? Of course it’s not – because crazy zealots will always exist in the subculture. But let’s take this opportunity, as people of all colors, to stop using racism as a crutch to hold up a negative status quo. Let’s take this opportunity to move forward.

It’s a new day.

"Ho"lloween

When did Halloween become the day of the year that females of ALL ages transform themselves into total sluts? When did nurses and policewomen become "naughty?" And when did '80s pop star turn from lace gloves with rubber bracelets and wide belts into booty shorts and teeny tank tops? I think it says it all that I recently couldn't tell the difference between a Halloween costume store window display and a XXX shop.

No, seriously, I don't even know what these chicks are dressed as these days. As Brad and I walked around on Halloween night, we spotted teenagers exposing more skin than a Maxim magazine cover, and some adult women who just looked slutty. Of course, then the reasonable question becomes whether or not that person is in costume or just skanky. It really can go either way.

Little girls have always enjoyed dressing up like they're older than they are. But when did little girls pretending to be women become little girls pretending to be women who are dressed like little girls? Case in point: Rainbow Brite adult costume. I'm not sure how many people can identify this as Rainbow Brite - but we can all identify this as "ho"riffic.

Look, I love a costume that makes me look more pretty than scary. But the old stand-by "racy" costumes of playboy bunny and french maid are now just downright prudent. For God's sake, I shudder to think what today's version of the genie costume looks like. But I'm sure she's wearing daisy dukes (and by the way, this girl's parents must be really proud).

Meanwhile, we live in a society obsessed with "family values." Here's a family value for you: don't let your daughter leave the house looking like she just slid off the pole under the auspice of it being Halloween.

Until next year...Tricks and Treats.